The 29th

2020.02.03, by Anatolij, Ansel, and Bedivere
Filed under Journal, Personal, PTSD

[Tolly] She called him “family” and told him that she loved him. Those are… our triggers, now.

[Ansel] …There’s lingering pain. Of course there is. Considering how badly placing trust in others has harmed us in the past. These are all concrete experiences we’ve lived through.

The trauma tends to pass between me and Anatolij, like a ball. I think it depends on who’s being threatened at the moment. If it’s generalized, then we can stay together as a simmering… man. But as soon as the threat targets someone, everything changes. If I feel my partner is being threatened, I tend to encase him… Most of the time, I’m the trauma holder. Maybe one out of three times he’s the holder. When the threat seems to be directed at Radi…

[Bedi] Now that he’s able to focus, and we’ve regained more of our senses, the political situation is hitting the li’l fox real hard. It’s an open wound for him again. And that leads into his general loyalty…

[Ansel] Just like I figured on the 28th. I was the will to emulate Radi.