The cycle of life doesn’t end

Or I guess, it can’t, for those two.

2020.11.06, by Iseul
Filed under Journal, Personal, Relations

Giovanni—Anatolij—and Ansel fought again. As usual. And they made up, as usual, after exercising together—They literally solve all their relationship problems with consensual violence, as long as they can practice disarming each other I think they can get through anything

Restaurants are opening up again so maybe they can go to that Japanese restaurant in Hollywood that they meant to in February. “We had reservations and everything, we were going to go on their jazz night…” (I doubt it. They both just spent a shipload of money on furniture.) I don’t really know what it’s like. Ansel and I fight a lot but it’s different. I just bitch at him and he bitches back, it’s nice. We’re like an old naggy married couple. They’re… I guess they’re young. Constantly fighting and breaking up and then making up. Politics. How much space will politics take up in Chief’s life? Ansel, after such a disaster of a marriage, finally has the domesticity he was looking for, trying to build—except not really—but it’s enough for him, except it’s not enough, but it has to be.

It’s strange how I fit in all this. Ansel doesn’t really expect anything from me. I’m not “wife” material, not in the way he’d like it, anyway—but actually—I think he would… We just can’t. He tried settling down with cuz’ once. Cuz’ was miserable. Though the kids were happy, he really missed being with Chief too much. He fell in love with him for his “striving for the world”, but on the other hand Diedurr really just wants to settle down. I know he loves Chief, but I don’t actually know… why. Chief’s never been the kind of person to want to settle down for too long, and have a family life. There was that brief period with Leotrim… Surprised that those two [Leotrim and Nova] are together living like a quiet domestic couple.

Tomorrow they’re gonna fight again. I just know it. Except they’re gonna fight the opposite way, try to accommodate the other person too much and the other person is going to accuse them of being too accommodating and why don’t we focus on your needs for once. They’re like some kind of perpetual motion machine powered by gayness.

Can’t wait for Giovanni to come back. Today Chief put on his eyeliner a bit heavy on the bottom lids, guyliner: “Hey, you look kinda scary…” “I do? Great!” In his voice. Struts a bit like Giovanni too… And a little bit of the stare… What’s a little nonexistence to that freakin’ beast of a man? Of course he’s coming back. And Chief is working out to “Pillar Men Awaken”, and focusing on his back muscles… Sometimes Chief looks and feels taller but that’s not possible… But, who knows. Maybe tomorrow he’ll have red wild hair and 14 extra inches [added to his height] and pecs you can stick a whole box of pocky in.

Yumeka says, “Try the Ouija Board!” “That’s… Discord, cuz’.” “I know! It’s great.”